Twenty-Four Beliefs you must hold to be a Good Democrat

24 Beliefs you must hold to be A Good Democrat 1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand. 2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. 3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists. 4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding. 5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's. 6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, and boys must be forced to act more like girls. 7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. 8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. 9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but 'activists' who have never been outside of San Francisco do. 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. 11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make 'The Passion of the Christ' for financial gain only. 12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. 13. You have to believe that your taxes are too low, but their ATM fees are too high. 14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell. 15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not. 16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person. 17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge. 18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House. 19. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States. 20. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy. 21. You have to believe that airport security profiling radical Islamofascist Muslim men between the age of 18-35 who have killed thousands of people and are committed to converting, conquering or killing all ‘infidels’ is awful, but frisking your 84 year old grandmother is fine and dandy. 22. You have to believe that listening in on known terrorists’ phone conversations with Americans is worse than having another 9/11 attack prevented. 23. You have to believe that it's okay to give federal workers the day off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say 'Merry Christmas' 24. You believe you support the Troops, by supporting your Congressional Democrats who have been trying to surrender and Cut and Run for the last four years.